


How Is It That You Love Me So Damn Much?

by This_ape_writes



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Kid James Kirk, M/M, Mild Injuries, Past Child Abuse, absolutely NO underage sexual anythings, cursing, temporary de-aging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-22 00:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9572960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_ape_writes/pseuds/This_ape_writes
Summary: On a diplomatic mission Jim is accidently given a recreational drug by the native inhabitants that temporarily turns him back to being seven years old. All Bones and the rest of the crew has to do is wait out the clock 'til everything goes back to normal so of course there's an explosion in engineering that brings up some of Jim's rougher aspects of little kid life.





	

Five more hours. 

That was all they had to survive and their captain would be back to his normal adult self and not the seven year old version he was now. 

Five hours. 

Five measly little hours. 

Was that too much to ask?

Well ok, five hours approximately give or take an hour or so. If everything worked like it was supposed to and nothing was royally messed up. 

That five hours was basing the time frame off of the native people who had a slightly slower metabolism and a circulatory system like nothing that Bones has ever seen before. 

And the folks responsible for this whole thing have been just as helpful as possible. They've provided samples and blood tests and have apologized profusely. They even gave Jim a special set of clothes that should stretch and accommodate when things go back to normal to avoid unnecessary injury or suddenly being naked in an awkward situation. 

But there is no cure or reversal. It just has to work through Jim's system. And best estimates by everyone involved in the research behind this put the time frame for reversing the effects from the drug at thirty six hours. 

Which left only. Five. More. Hours. 

So of course it all went chaotic NOW. When they were so close to being in the final stretch. 

Bones was really beginning to wonder what the hell he did in his past life to deserve all the nonsense he had to put up with in this one. 

Serial killing cannibal maybe?

Maybe he hurt some puppies?

Whatever the cause, he had been in the middle of running an eye test for one of the Lieutenants from the Biology department when the urgent call had come in through his comm that there had been a minor explosion in engineering. 

They had put the fire out, they assured him, and no one appeared to be overly damaged. 

 

However, their seven year old captain had been at the site when it happened and he had taken off like a rocket and was now hiding from everyone in a tiny ventilation shaft that no one could fit into and refused to come out. 

Of course it would turn out that Jim at seven years old was just as exhausting to Bones as he was at his usual twenty seven. He drops his eye scanner on the bio bed and he sighs dramatically as he excuses himself from the Lieutenant to walk a few steps away so he can hear what Scotty is saying. 

"I said I woulda tried someone else but knowin' how close your relationship is with the captain..." Scotty's voice says through the other end of the comm. 

Bones sighs. 

"I ain't dating him at the moment he's only seven years old," Bones says. "You do know that he doesn't remember me at all right now right? He barely tolerates me as some old stranger," Bones adds, his tone more than a little bit bitter. 

"Leonard," Scotty says and his tone makes Bones shut his mouth. "Outsida me, you're the only other one he'll let near him on this whole bloody ship in the state that he's in," Scotty says. "You know that's more than jus' toleratin' ya." 

Bones sighs and nods to no one that can see 

"Fine. I'm on my way." 

"Hurry Jimmy is..."

"Woah hang on. He doesn't like to be called that," Bones says. 

"He...well then what should I call him? Captain?" Scotty asks. 

Bones chuckles. 

"He told me Jim. I figure we can at least do that for him," Bones says. 

"Ah. Well then. Jim could really use another friendly face. So please hurry," Scotty says. 

Bones sighs. 

And he apologizes and lets the lieutenant he was working with know that she is in fact significantly nearsighted and that's why her DNA sequencing results blur together and not because of her getting a bad batch, before handing her chart off to the next doctor on duty and grabbing a medkit as he heads towards engineering. 

He's not taking his time exactly but he's not really rushing himself either. If he's being honest, he isn't overly eager to get in the middle of whatever this situation is. But that changes a bit when Mr. Scott's voice pierces the empty hallway he is in, from the comm in his pocket asking where the hell he's at. 

"Oh for the love of...I can't just materialize there I gotta walk!" he snaps as he flips his comm open. 

"It's not just that. Doc...he's just... make sure you're calm when you get here eh? And hurry?" Scotty says in a low voice. Bones frowns and feels the back of his neck start to tingle with something like fear. It's the same feeling he always gets when he knows Jim is in trouble and his feet start moving faster. 

"Yeah alright. I'm almost there." 

He is in a full jog by the time he arrives to engineering and the first thing he sees is a scorched instrument panel that is still letting off small wisps of smoke into a room that is empty of everyone but Scotty who looks uncomfortable and very, very worried. Bones slows his pace as Scotty walks to meet him and he frowns. 

"What happened?" he asks. 

The engineer holds up his hands palms out and closes his eyes. 

"A complete accident. I was lettin' 'im help out a bit to keep 'im busy is all. I was having 'im hand me tools while I worked and one of 'em slipped outta our grip on the handoff. Connected with a live wire and set off a teeny bit of a fire," Scotty explains as he holds up his fingers and squints to show just how small the fire was. 

Bones glances over at the large scorch mark in the wall behind them and thinks 'teeny' might be mildly underselling what happened here just now. 

But to be fair he has seen much worse down here before. 

So he nods. 

"Is Jim alright?" he asks. Scotty's face twists into a look of pain. 

"Well yes and no. He's probably got a few burns. He was just so close when it happened but...he's terrified that...Jesus. He thinks he's...eh...he thinks he's in serious trouble." 

Bones huffs a laugh. 

"That explains hiding in the ventilation shaft I guess," he says. But Scotty's face stays grim as he grabs ahold of his arm. 

"No Leonard. You don't quite get it. He's...he's terrified of being...he thinks we're gonna..." but he can't bring himself to finish the thought. And Bones closes his eyes and sighs. He nods and reaches out to pat his friend on the shoulder. 

"Yeah it's ok. I...have a vague understanding of what Jim's life was like as a kid. I can imagine what he thinks is gonna happen to him without you...goin' into unnecessarily graphic details," Bones says. 

Scotty shakes his head. 

"It was awful. Like gettin' drop kicked right in the stomach when he said tha'," he says softly. "He's only seven..." 

And Bones knows that feeling well. He can feel it twisting now in his own gut as his heart thuds in his chest and he feels colder in different points around his body like he's broken out in a cold sweat and he grips Scotty's shoulder. 

He nods. 

"Yeah I know. Thanks for clearing the place out. That'll help him relax a little bit I think. I take it he's over here?" Bones guesses as he nods his head toward the small grate that's been pulled free from its home and is still lying in the middle of the floor. 

"Aye. Be gentle," he says. Bones smiles with a soft sigh. 

"I get why you're sayin' that to me since I've got the reputation I have but believe me it's not needed. Not in this situation. He'll know he's safe if it kills me tryin'" he says. 

Scotty nods and lets him go. 

He feels a buzzing nervous energy rolling through his body as he walks toward the ventilation. The open shaft is very small and is several inches above his head. If he stands on his toes he can just barely see into the long cylindrical tube but it's so dark he can't make out details of anyone actually inside. He can however hear muffled sniffs and irregular breathing that must belong to his terrified tiny little friend. 

"Jim?" he calls out in as soft a voice as he can manage and still be heard. "It's me. It's Bones. How you doin' kiddo?" he asks. 

"Go away," Jim says in a miserable voice and Bones heart hurts when he hears it. It aches in the actual muscles all around his chest and he has to take a few deep breaths to get his shit back under control. 

"I can't go away. I gotta make sure you're alright," he finally manages to say back. "Are ya hurt?" 

A few more sniffs echo out of the dark tube but there's no answer. 

"Jim. It's ok. Can you come out so I can take a look at you please?" Bones says as he walks closer and grabs ahold of the edge of the metal so he can peer inside. Which might have been a bit hasty, he realizes, when he hears scrabbling inside and a sudden whimper of pain. 

"No! You'll hurt me if I come out cuz I was really bad," he says, "and I don't...I don't..." he chokes off in a strangled terrified sob. Bones drops his fingers to his sides and lets his feet drop flat against the ground as he leans his forehead into the wall and tries to keep the pain that is flaring through his chest from knocking him to his knees. 

"Jim. No one is going to hurt you. I promise that," Bones says. "No one out here is even angry with you Darlin' we're just worried that's all." 

"I don't believe you," Jim whispers, "I always get hit when I mess up bad like this." The whisper is soft and it's small and it's way way too fragile but it echoes off the metal around him so Bones hears it all just fine. 

But god how he wishes he didn't. 

His whole body aches with that kind of knowledge and the steadying breath he takes is weak and choppy and nothing close to being steadying at all. 

"I know," he says finally when he can find his voice again. "And I get why you think that, I do. I know you're scared but I really am just here to help you. I swear to god that's all I want Jim." 

"You're mad. You have to be. I made the whole panel on the wall blow up," Jim says in that same soft voice. 

"I know you didn't mean to. It was an accident. Mr. Scott knows that too. No one's mad I promise," Bones says. He pushes himself up on his toes again and if he squints he can just almost make out what he thinks might be a foot. Not that he'd dare try and reach in and risk scaring Jim even more but he's relieved that Jim hasn't retreated too far away from him yet. 

Maybe that's a good sign? 

"My dad always says that he's not mad too until he can grab me," Jim says in voice that sounds too terrified. "No. I'm not gonna come out. I can't...I can't... please don't make me," he says as his voice crumbles into more tears. 

And Bones has had fleeting revenge fantasies about Jim's step dad over the years but it's never been as detailed or as strong as it is right at this moment. 

He could probably even make it look like an accident. 

Right now he doesn't even care if it does. 

But he shakes his head and tries to focus. 

"I promise you I'm not mad at you Jim. How can I prove it to you?" Bones asks. Quiet sobs answer his question followed by a sniff and muffled movements. 

"I dunno," Jim says. 

"That's ok. Wait...hang on. I have an idea. Jim you're unbelievably smart. So tell me something, what happens to your body when you're really really mad," Bones says. He hears the movement inside the tube still to a dead silence. Several long seconds pass and he thinks that maybe Jim will just refuse to answer when he hears a sigh. 

"Your heart beats really fast," Jim answers in a voice that's too soft and tiny. But it makes Bones heart soar that he's responding to his questions and he grins. 

"Ok. Good. That is one symptom," Bones says in a rush of relief. He drops his med kit on the ground and bends over to rifle through it. He finds a small wrist monitor and he turns it on before sliding it on his own wrist. "Now this isn't fool proof science because I'm also worried about you and that can also elevate heart rates. But here," he holds his arm up so that it's in the opening of the tube his best friend is cowering inside of and he waits a few seconds for the monitor to beep. He glances at it and sighs in relief when it's normal. "Can you read that Jim? What's it say," Bones asks. 

Silence answers him but he stays perfectly still and after a moment he hears movement and when he glances up he can now see two wide tear filled eyes staring at his wrist. He catches Bones looking at him and Bones smiles at him as Jim shrinks back. But he does as Bones asks and reads off the monitor. 

"It says ninety one," Jim says. 

"That's right. Here what's this say," he adds as he clicks another button. 

"It says sixty to a hundred is resting," Jim reads. 

"There you go. Resting. If I was active or angry, that would be a lot higher. Ok what else does your body do when it gets mad." 

Jim sniffs and Bones sees his arm move in the dark in what he assumes is rubbing his nose on his sleeve and Bones smiles at that. 

"Blood pressure goes up," Jim says as he shifts a little bit closer to the edge so Bones can see his face better. 

"Seven years old and already knows about blood pressure, like some kinda genius or something," Bones mutters loud enough so Jim will hear him as he watches Jim for a reaction. It's fast and he almost misses it but catches a tiny smile that flicks across Jim's face when he says that and Bones smiles at that. "You're absolutely right. Your blood pressure goes up. This monitored that too. What's it say," Bones says as he clicks a button and changes the readout. 

"It says one twenty four and then a line and then a eighty three," Jim says. 

"And the numbers on the side. They are super tiny. Can you read those? That shows what it should be," Bones says as he steps closer and rests his arm against the cool metal edge. Jim tilts his head closer and squints and Bones almost laughs. He had forgotten that Jim has always had lousy up close vision and watching this tiny version of him make the same face the adult version does without his glasses is just almost too much to take. But his eyes must be ok enough because Jim reads off the numbers on the side after just a few moments of scrutiny. 

"It says you're normal," Jim says. 

"That's right. Both are normal because I'm not mad. I'm really not. But even if I was mad I promise you I would never ever intentionally hurt you. Jim, did you know that to become a doctor I had to swear an oath?"

"Yes," Jim says. 

Bones chuckles. 

"Of course you did, there you go being too smart again. But this oath, it's a long thing to memorize and it's been around for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years. And do you know what it says in the most famous part of that whole entire oath?" he asks. 

"What?" Jim asks. 

"It says that I promise that I will never harm anyone. Ever," he says. 

But then he remembers that Jim might have a few burns and he feels like he needs to qualify that statement to keep the kids trust he's trying to earn here. 

"Now that doesn't mean it won't hurt occasionally while I'm making things better. Sometimes injuries hurt when they're gettin' fixed and as much as I try not to let it, it can be painful. But what that does mean is that I am bound to that oath to never willingly cause new pain to another living soul. And I take that oath very, very seriously. Do you believe me when I tell you that?" Bones says. Jim hesitates as he considers the question and Bones hears another sigh from the dark. 

"Yes. I believe you," he says. And Bones feels himself relax as his eyes involuntarily close in relief. 

"So Jim if I tell you again that no one out here is mad at you and no one out here is ever going to hurt you because I would never, ever let them, do you trust me with that?" Bones says. 

"I want to," Jim answer in a watery voice and Bones sighs. 

"I want you to trust me too," Bones says. "Is it alright if I help you down so I can take a look at you and make sure you're not burned?" 

"I AM burned," Jim says in a flat statement of fact. 

"Ok. All the more reason for me to take a look at 'cha. May I do that?" Bones asks. Jim sighs and Bones suddenly sees the entire face of the kid inside as he crawls to the edge and looks out. He tosses one last terrified look at Bones as he pauses. 

"You're sure you won't hurt me?" he asks. And Bones keeps steady eye contact with him as he nods and holds out his arms. 

"I swear it to you Jim," he says. Jim bites his lip at that statement and nods as he holds out his own hands to let Bones help him down. He has to pull him out almost completely horizontal, the tube is so small. As soon as his feet are free Bones starts to set Jim on the ground, but he quickly changes tactics when Jim's hands lace together behind Bones' neck and Jim makes no move to let go. 

Bones straightens up again and is shocked to find Jim hugging him way too tight as his legs wrap around him and his face hides in his shoulder. 

And dammit if that doesn't make Bones' stomach clench with whatever emotion it is he's been feeling since he first walked in here. And Jim is a small kid but he's tall for his age and it's a bit awkward to hold him. But Jim could be four times the size he is now and Bones wouldn't care. Jim needs a hug so he's getting it. 

Simple fact. 

 

It's also a fact that he is going to have to really work hard here if he wants to keep from crying. 

Jim however, is putting up no such front as he bursts into tears. 

"You're not gonna hurt me," he says and Bones smiles when it's not a question. 

"No. Never, Jim. It's ok. You're alright," he says as he holds his hand to the back of Jim's head and hugs him close as he tries to get a better grip on him. Jim winds his arms tighter around Bones' neck and Bones gives in to just holding him for awhile and swaying back and forth a little as tells him over and over that he's ok. Lord knows if anyone was in need of a little bit of extra comfort and affection it was Jim Goddamned Kirk, no matter what age he is. 

So he gives it. 

Freely and fully. 

And he hopes to God it helps. 

 

And really Bones could happily stay here for a long time just hugging him like this but his back isn't accustomed to just holding this kind of dead weight and he really is concerned about Jim's burns on his arm. 

He glances around the room for an appropriate place to treat Jim. He's not about to wander all the way back to medical. Jim doesn't need that added stress. He runs one hand over Jim's shoulder blades in tiny little circles in an attempt at extra comfort while he formulates a plan and he catches sight of a work table covered in all kinds of nonsense tucked into a corner across the room. 

Scotty catches where he's looking and reaches the table long before he does to sweep what he can out of the way. He even grabs a short rolling stool from nearby and pushes it over behind him. Bones tosses Scotty a look he hopes conveys how grateful he is for all of his help in this whole messed up situation as he sets Jim on the edge of the table and tries to straighten up away from him only to find that he can't. 

Apparently Jim is not ready to let go just yet and like hell is he gonna deny this kid anything he needs so he stays hunched over, his back complaining the entire time, and he hugs him as tight as he can. He doesn't know what else to do. 

"I'm so sorry Jim," he says. And that earns him a head shake against his shoulder. 

"Why would you be sorry?" he mumbles. "You didn't do anything bad." Bones chuckles at that and squeezes his friend a little tighter. 

"No but I'm sorry you feel so scared. I don't like that," he admits. 

"I don't either," Jim says. 

Bones sighs. 

"Jim can I have my neck back for just a little bit while I check out your burn? I just want to make sure it's ok," Bones says. 

He feels Jim breathe in a deep sigh and let it out as he untangles his fingers from him and sits back. He doesn't look up but keeps his eyes stuck to the ground beneath them but at least he has stopped crying. Bones wants to talk to him more. Make him feel better somehow. Anything. But he also does need to do his job here too so he rests his hand against Jim's knee, and sits on the stool that is right behind him so he can get to work. 

"Ok kid," he says as he rolls forward. "Which arm got hit." Jim slides the sleeves of his shirt up off of both arms and shrugs as he holds them out. 

"Both of em," he admits. "I pulled myself up on the edge of the panel when I was crawling out from under it so I could run away." Bones is overly careful when he folds Jim's sleeves up past his elbows so he can assess the damage. As soon as he can get a clear look at both forearms he can see two long wide red burns from his wrists almost down to his elbows that end in a sharp line. They definitely would be consistent with pressing into a squared off metal edge of something that was very much on fire. 

"That must hurt pretty bad. Are you ok?" Bones asks. Jim sniffs and refuses to look up but nods. 

"I'm ok. I've had stuff hurt worse before," he admits and there's that drop kick feeling Scotty had described earlier as he feels his stomach flair in pain and his eyes close in sympathy. 

"Ok. Well. I'm glad you're ok. But I'm not sure how I feel about you having had worse pain than this," he says. 

That seems to startle Jim and his eyes blink up through their slightly damp eyelashes and red rimmed edges to stare at Bones with a look of curious confusion. 

"What does that mean?" Jim asks. Now Bones looks at him confused. 

"I mean the idea of you bein' hurt worse than this makes me hurt too," he says. Jim's eyes narrow a tiny bit as he continues to stare. 

"Ok..." he says after a few moments of just breathing and staring and processing. 

Bones gives a gentle squeeze to the two wrists that he's holding and he waits for Jim to hold his arms up on his own before turning to see where he left his Medkit. He almost jumps out of his skin when Scotty hands it to him before he can even turn around all the way and he shakes his head and chuckles. 

"Thanks," he says and Scotty nods and gives Jim a small tight smile that Jim returns easily. "Alright now. Here's what I'm gonna do," Bones explains as he sets the medkit down on the table right next to Jim and opens it up. "I have a spray I'm going to use first. That'll kill any bacteria and germs that might have gotten in there while you were crawling through god knows what up there in that shaft. It'll also numb your arms so it'll feel better. But remember what I said about it hurting worse sometimes while it's healing?"

Jim nods and rubs his hand under his nose as he sniffs again. 

"This isn't my first time at the doctor," he says in a flat unimpressed voice like Bones might indeed be a complete and utter idiot and Bones and Scotty laugh at that. 

"No I guess not," Bones says. "Sorry Jim I'm not trying to talk to you like you don't understand. I know damn well you do." Jim gasps through his nose and his eyes shoot wider. 

"You said a bad word," he says. 

"Yes I did. That was on purpose because I need you to know how serious I am. Ok?" Bones says. Jim nods. "I'm just explaining things so you aren't unnecessarily afraid of anything I do. That's part of my promise earlier that I was not going to hurt you. So I know it seems like I'm being condescending or stupid but that's not how I mean it at all. Is that alright?" he asks. Jim nods and looks a bit dazed. 

"Yeah," he says. "Th...thank you." 

Bones nods. 

"You're welcome Jim. Is it alright if I do this or would you like to?" Bones asks as he holds the bottle of spray he was describing earlier in the flat open palm of his hand. 

"Can I?" Jim asks brightening at the idea. 

Bones nods. 

"Of course. Don't touch it to your arm. Hold it about an inch or two away and make sure the entire area is covered," Bones says as he waits for Jim to pick up the small spray can and then he rolls back a tiny bit so Jim will have room to work. He goes a little overboard and some of the spray ends up on Bones and the tools beside them on the table but the delighted look on Jim's face is worth all of it. "How is that. Does it feel ok?" Bones asks. 

"It tingles but it's not a bad tingle. And it doesn't hurt so much anymore," Jim decides as he looks over both arms. 

"Ok good. Now. The next part I would let you do if I could but it's a special way I gotta wrap it up is that ok?" he asks. Jim nods. "Alright. Now this will heal you up. You'll be good as new by morning." 

Maybe in more ways than one, Bones thinks. 

Five damn hours. 

Maybe less. 

Maybe more. 

He pulls a small roll of clear tape from the side of the medkit and holds on to Jim's hand with delicate care so that he can wrap his arm up. 

He wraps the burn tape in slow sweeping passes so every bit of skin is covered and when he's finished he starts in doing the same on his other arm as well. He smiles at Jim when the whole process is complete and the tape is sealed in place. He grabs the discarded spray and begins to clean up when Jim waves him closer with his hand and Bones leans in. 

"He seems really worried. Do you think he'd let me give him a hug?" Jim asks in a stage whisper as he stares over Bones' left shoulder to where Scotty is still standing stiff and anxious. 

"I think he would like that," Bones says back in the same stage whisper voice. Scotty snorts at both of them and pushes Bones aside so he can hug Jim before the kid gets a chance to move. 

"Of course you kin hug me. But don't scare me like that again by runnin' off. I have been really worried about ya," Scotty says and Jim nods as they pull apart from each other. 

"I'm sorry I hurt the ship," Jim says in a soft voice and Scotty brushes the apology off with a gruff tsk. 

"Don't you even say that, the ship is fine. She can take far more than one itsy bitsy little fire which was just as much my fault as it was yours. Probably even MORE my fault than yours," Scotty says. "You hear me lad?" 

Jim nods and Bones doesn't miss the tiny relieved smile that spreads across Jim's whole face and Bones can't help but smile back. 

 

"Ok Jim. I'm off shift. Is it alright if I take you with me to get something to eat?" Bones asks. 

Jim sighs. 

"I'm not that hungry," he admits. 

"I get that. But I'd still like some company if you wanna join me?" Bones asks. Jim nods in a slow way that betrays how tired he must be and surprises Bones by not jumping down off the table but by holding out his arms toward Bones instead. Bones blinks and stands up pushing against his knees for leverage before picking up Jim who hugs onto him tight. 

Bones shrugs at Scotty as he settles his grip around Jim who leans his head against his shoulder. 

"Oh let's be real. The adult version of him would be carried everywhere if he could be too," he mutters and Scotty bursts out in a loud relieved laugh. "Come on kid lets see what we can scrounge up that might make your appetite reappear," Bones adds. 

Jim nods in a sluggish movement against his shoulder again as he winds his fingers back around Bones' neck and Bones nods to Scotty and heads out into the hallway toward the closest turbo lift. 

It's a tricky lesson in balance and physics to get food for two people and still maintain a grip on a kid that seems to be growing heavier by the minute but he manages just barely and sits at one of the tables in the far corner close to the door and he tries to unwind Jim's arms from him as he sits with the kid on his lap. All he gets is a whimper in return and he sighs as he lets his arms drop to his sides. 

"Jim. I know you're tired. But I need you to eat just a tiny bit." 

"No," Jim says. And his tone isn't upset or combative or angry at all. It's just a simple calm statement of what he is not going to do. Of course that would be the kind of tone coming from a kid who is literally going to run this entire starship in about 18 years. And Bones hates how funny that is to him. He can't even begin to stop the laugh that chuckles out of him as he slides Jim over so he's sitting against his right leg so he can at least have a small range of motion to try and eat his own dinner. 

"Alright Jim. I'm not gonna fight ya. But I need my arm so I can eat my own food. I'm starving. Can you at least give me that?" 

Jim sighs like he's just been asked for the worlds largest favor that he doesn't want to grant but he lifts his head so he can move just enough to the side so Bones can have one arm free. "You're so gracious your majesty. I thank you so much for allowing me food," he says with a dramatic tone and Jim laughs at that for a quick moment before dropping his head to Bones' other shoulder and relaxing into him again. Bones shakes his head. "Did you see what I got here," he says as he picks up a fork and pokes it at the different dishes on his trey. "I know you love mashed potatoes and I know you love cornbread," Bones says. 

And yeah it doesn't even come close to a well balanced meal but the kid has had a rough day. They call it comfort food for a reason and dammit he's getting some god damned comfort. 

Jim rolls his head enough to look at the food in question through half opened eyes and he shrugs. 

"Maybe a bite or two wouldn't kill ya?" Bones asks. And Jim shrugs again. 

In the end he manages about half of the cornbread and a spoonful or two of potatoes before Jim hands the spoon off and refuses anything else and Bones just lets him be. 

"Thank you Darlin' that was better than nothing," Bones says. He finishes his own food and by the time he does Jim is sound asleep. Bones is in no hurry to disturb him so he shifts to be a little bit more comfortable in the chair he's in and then he just sits. 

This whole situation has been incredibly stressful. The ability to just sit feels fantastic. He lets his mind wander off and can feel himself starting to relax. It shouldn't take something like this, he thinks, to have time where he and Jim can just sit and enjoy the other one existing. And he makes a mental note to carve out more time for stuff exactly like this once Jim is back to normal as he rests his cheek against Jim's hair and sighs. 

He's startled out of his own head when a hand touches his shoulder several minutes later and he jumps and turns to see Uhura behind him looking at him with a soft smile as she pulls up and empty chair and sits down. 

"Someone was tired," she remarks quietly as she tips her chin towards their sleeping captain. 

"Someone had a very rough day," Bones says as he runs a hand over the back of Jim's head. 

"I heard," she says with a small frown. "Is he alright?" Bones nods. 

"He's ok now. Had some minor burns but he'll heal," Bones says. 

"And you? How are you holding up with all this," Uhura asks. Bones blinks at her and raises an eyebrow. 

"As well as I can be I guess," he admits. "It's weird though Ny," he says. 

"Yeah I'll bet," she says. 

"It's just that I love him so much and I have for a really long time. But it's different with him being this little. I still love him with my whole entire soul but it's like it's shifted into something even deeper. Like I've never loved anyone in my whole damn life. I can't explain it without sounding crazy. Or creepy. Or both." Uhura shakes her head. 

"No I think I can understand what you mean. This isn't exactly a situation most people have to navigate through. It's ok to feel weird about it," she says. 

He huffs a laugh and shakes his head. 

"Only Jim, huh?" he says. She shakes her head. 

"He certainly seems to attract trouble," she says. 

And that almost makes Bones wince. 

"You should have seen him earlier down in engineering. It's one thing to know in a vague kind of way that Jim had a messed up childhood. It's something completely different to see that kind of damage in action. It was horrible. He was so fucking scared of what I might do to him. It broke my heart," Bones says, his voice strained as his arms tighten around Jim just a little more. "If his step dad had been anywhere near me an hour ago I would have killed him without even a drop of regret. You know how terrifying that is to admit," he says. 

But Nyota shakes her head as she reaches out and slides Jim's sleep sweaty hair away from his forehead with her long and gentle fingers. 

"Maybe. But it's an understandable reaction. You said it before, you love him really deeply Len. You'd do anything to protect him. He's lucky to have you," she says as her hand slides down to rub Jim's back before she straightens back up and leans into her chair. Bones nods. 

"I don't even know if this is more for his benefit or mine anymore," he says as he gestures with a soft lift of his shoulders to the fact that he's holding Jim. 

"You both need it," she says. He nods. 

"What do we do if this doesn't wear off," he asks. She sighs. 

"Well I don't think that's a likely outcome. It's not designed to be a permanent thing according to the native people I've spoken with. But if they are wrong with how it interacts with humans and if he does stay little then we deal with it and help him be as happy as he can. I guess a do over wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for him," she says. 

"I guess," Bones says. 

"You both seem pretty content at the moment," she adds. Bones smiles. 

"It's nice to lend him some comfort without him pretending he doesn't need it like a complete and utter jackass," he admits with a chuckle. 

"You should tell him that when we get him back to normal. He needs to know things like that," she says. And Bones goes sober at that with a nod. 

"You're probably right," he says.

"Not probably. I am right," she says. "Always and about everything." Bones snorts. "Come on I can see your back hurting from here go to your room I'll take care of your dishes. And maybe tomorrow he'll be good as old again," she says with a smile. 

Bones chuckles nods and lets her help him up. He tenses a little bit when Jim stirs but when he doesn't wake up Bones nods to Uhura again and starts to head for the door. 

"Thank you," he whispers. 

"Of course," she says as she kisses his cheek and then Jim's. 

He walks down the hallway to the room he and Jim share. He hasn't been here since this happened. They were running too many tests yesterday and they both wound up sleeping in bio beds in medical last night. 

It feels weird to be in their room together now when Jim isn't really quite himself. But this is only temporary, Bones reminds himself as he walks over to the bed and tries to set Jim down. But the second he tries to unwind Jim's grip from behind his neck Jim lets out an angry sounding whine in his sleep and grips Bones harder and refuses to let go. 

Bones sighs and shakes his head and is too damn tired to fight. 

"Always so damn stubborn," he mutters and he groans as he stands back up and pulls Jim right along with him. He sits down on the sofa instead and arranges Jim to be as comfy as possible as Bones drops his head against the back of the couch and sighs.

He should change out of his work clothes. 

He should make Jim change too since he's covered in all kinds of dust and dirt and smoke and grime. 

But Bones can't really summon up the energy to give a damn about anything else but sleeping right now. He commands the lights down lower but not off knowing Jim had been scared of the dark the night before and kisses the side of Jim's head as he closes his eyes and tries to at least catch a small nap. 

But he dreams of fires.

And angry step dads. 

And of Jim. 

Just Jim. 

He has no idea what time it is when he jolts awake from his most recent nightmare but his neck has gone stiff and his right leg is asleep. 

He also feels someone staring at him and when he blinks his eyes open, a fully back to normal Jim is staring at him from where he is still resting comfortably against Bones' chest. Bones gasps and sits up a little straighter as he yanks Jim into a hug. 

"Oh thank god you're back," he says feeling relief flood all through him. 

"Did you miss me Bones," Jim jokes. 

"God yes. Do you have any idea what happened to you?" Bones asks as he pulls away to look at Jim. He nods. 

"Yeah I do. I was little. It was really...unsettling. But I do remember it all," he says. 

"Are you ok?" Bones asks not quite liking the flat tone Jim is speaking with but Jim just nods. 

"I'll be fine don't worry. I just feel a little bit wrong. I have these new off kilter memories now that don't know where they belong in my head," Jim says. 

"Oh," Bones says. Because what else can he say. "I wasn't sure if...I thought you might just go back to the way things were and you'd just forget the past couple days all together." Jim stares at him and shakes his head. 

"Apparently not," he says. Bones nods. 

"But you forgot who I was. You didn't trust me at first when you were a kid," Bones says. 

"Bones, I didn't KNOW you when I was seven. But I know you now and those other memories just kinda...I don't know. Are floating around. Like I have two timelines of being a kid in my head now. It's just...weird," he says again. Bones nods. 

And he's right. 

This is ALL weird now. 

And Bones has no idea why.

Or how to make it go away. 

So he changes the subject. Because he's an idiot. 

"Your arms ok? I wrapped them when you were smaller," he says and Jim smiles. 

"They were a little tight, but the burns were almost healed. I just took them off," Jim says as he leans back a little and shows Bones his arms. The skin is still a tiny bit pink but they'll heal up ok without intervention so Bones sighs and nods. 

"My leg is asleep," he says suddenly and Jim shifts a little bit with a chuckle as Bones tries to move his leg to get some feeling in it again. 

"Sorry old man. Lets move to the bed so your circulation can come back," Jim says. 

"We should both probably change clothes," Bones says as he tugs at his shirt. But Jim shakes his head. 

"No," he says in that same matter of fact tone from earlier and for some reason that makes Bones feel better. Warm affection waves over him and he feels his face soften into a smile as he leans forward and kisses Jim who huffs out a laugh against his lips and kisses him back. 

 

"Ok. You win," Bones says as he pulls back, "Lets just get some sleep huh?" 

He stands up and stretches and Bones can't help but notice that Jim is still reluctant to let go of him completely as he keeps one hand gripped into the sleeve of Bones' shirt and when he goes to crawl into bed he finds that he can't. Jim is holding him still until he turns and suddenly finds himself in a wide soft hug. 

"Jim," Bones says as he tries to hug him back. 

"I know...I am ok. It just...it feels like all of my nerves and emotions were pulled out of my body and rubbed across a cheese grater then put back in all sideways and upside down," he says. Everything is too much and not enough at the same time. I can't...I just need you to..." Bones sighs and leans over as much as he can with Jim hugging him tightly to throw the blankets out of the way on the bed behind them. 

"Sit," he commands and Jim hesitates with his arms still around him. Bones chuckles and drags Jim with him as he crawls into bed. He yanks Jim next to him as Jim winds himself around him and lays his head back on Bones' chest. 

"What can I do?" Bones asks as he kisses the top of Jim's hair and commands the lights all the way off. 

"I'll be ok," he says. Which isn't an answer. And Bones knows there's more to it than that but he supposes it can be patient as he nods and tightens his arms around Jim and waits for him to continue. It doesn't take long. "I just...I can't find the right words..." Jim adds in a rush and Bones finds himself frowning. 

"For what?" Bones asks and Jim lets out an incredulous laugh. 

"For what?" Jim repeats. "God Bones for EVERYTHING," Jim explains. 

"Everything what?" Bones asks, too tired to follow Jim's overly complex train of thought. Jim sighs. 

"I don't know how to even start to thank you for the last two days. I need you to know how much it means to me," he says. 

"Jim I didn't do anything special. I just kept you alive I doubt that qualifies me for sainthood status," he says. And he winces when Jim commands the lights on above them and he blinks and finds Jim frowning at him from where he's sitting propped up against his elbow on the bed. 

"No. Bones. You didn't just 'keep me alive'. That's complete horse shit and you know it. I knew I didn't have the words to say it right because I obviously haven't come close to making you understand what I'm feeling here," Jim says. Bones blinks and shifts back a bit against the pillows behind him as he tries to figure out what he should say. 

Turns out he doesn't have words either. So he sighs and closes his eyes. 

"I'm sorry Jim I didn't mean to upset you," he says as he reaches up to touch his hand to Jim's arm. Jim shakes his head and grabs Bones' hand in his as he grips it tight and kisses his fingers. 

"No don't apologize," Jim says as he holds Bones' hand against his chest and shakes his head. "Just let me try and...get this out of my head so you get it." Bones nods. "This whole thing was fucking weird." 

"THAT we agree on," Bones says. 

"But I don't know how to explain what it did for me. It's like..." Jim's eyes drop to the bed and he shakes his head as he's thinking. "Bones it's like I had these weird broken pieces all inside me that are suddenly...better. Like the edges aren't as sharp if that makes any kinda sense." Bones frowns but doesn't interrupt. He lets Jim just think for awhile. 

"That feeling I had earlier in engineering? That horrible feeling of just blind panic and terror. I've had that all my life. I was used to it. It was just part of me. But goddamn it Bones. You wouldn't let me stay in that terror. No one has ever tried to pull me free of it before." 

Bones watches him carefully as Jim pulls his legs underneath him and sits up next to him on the bed with his legs folded around each other. "You were just so thoughtful and so fucking...*sweet* to me Bones. I don't know how else to describe it. You made it so I trusted you. And you didn't break that trust at all. You held me. And you made me feel...just...better." Jim shakes his head and stares at the mattress with a frown like the universe has all stopped making sense to him and he looks up at Bones and just shakes his head at him over and over and over again. 

He can't quit. 

And Bones wants to interrupt him and tell him to just stop but he doesn't. He keeps calm and let's Jim keep talking. 

Jim sighs. 

"It doesn't erase the other memories of being a little kid. All that garbage and bullshit is still in there...it is. But...it's shifted. It's not as consuming. And it feels lighter I guess..." he slides one side of his bottom lip inbetween his teeth as his head continues to shake and Bones watches helplessly as his eyes cloud over with tears. "It just..." Jim says as one, then two tears bounce free. "You fucking love me SO MUCH Bones. And it...God it feels amazing. You have no idea." And that's it. Bones is done just doing nothing. He sits up enough to grab ahold of Jim and wrangle him closer so he can wrap his arms around him in a giant hug. 

"Of course I love you. I've always loved you, you idiot," he mutters as he kisses the top of Jim's head and holds him as close as he can. Jim sniffs and laughs as he grabs ahold of Bones' sleeve and hugs him back with as much energy as he possibly can. 

"Maybe but now I really fucking FEEL it," Jim says. "Bones!" he spits out as another laughs rolls through him. "You took your blood pressure for me. You let me treat my own burns. You carried me around! You were so damn patient and gentle. You let me eat cornbread and potatoes for dinner and fall asleep on your chest." 

"You had a rough day. I'm not a monster," Bones mutters. 

"STOP IT!" Jim yells but it's swept away in another tear filled laugh. "I'm trying to tell you how much all this means to me don't you dare keep brushing it off like it's nothing Bones it's NOT nothing." And Bones sighs. 

"I know it's not nothing. I just wish I'd done twice as much long before now. What I gave you wasn't even close to what you deserve. And whatever love you're feeling from me I guarantee it's actually a million times deeper under the surface. And I wish you could feel it all," Bones says. "I really do Jim." And Jim laughs as he lays down and curls into Bones and shakes his head. 

"What I do feel is too overwhelming as it is. If there's way more than that it could kill me," he admits. And Bones grins. 

"Well then that's my life's goal then," he says, "I'm gonna build up your tolerance so you can feel exactly how much I love you one day and float along with it and NOT drown." Jim sighs and lifts his head up to drop a kiss against Bones lips that's soft and sweet. "Of course I do just keep loving you more and more so I don't know if you'll ever catch up." 

Jim closes his eyes she shakes his head as he tilts his face up towards him. 

"That," Jim says as he kisses him again, "was the sappiest shit," another kiss "that I have ever heard," another kiss, "in my life." 

"Yeah well. Too bad," Bones says. He commands the lights back off and settles in to the bed as best he can without sacrificing his grip on Jim at all. 

"Hey Bones you should take one of those pills. Let me hang out with seven year old you for awhile," Jim says. 

"Ok First off? Stop taking weird stuff that's offered to you without knowin' what it is. That ain't being diplomatic it's being reckless."

Jim snorts. 

"And second of all, I was just the same at seven as I am now. I was just shorter." 

Jim yawns. 

"That's not the stories your mom tells," Jim says. 

"What?" Bones says with a chuckle. "What lies is she telling' about me now?"

Jim shrugs. 

"I seem to remember something about a neighbors truck when you were six..." 

"Ok that was my cousins fault. I had the idea but I never coulda' pulled it off on my own. That's on her," Bones says. 

"Boots the cat?" Jim asks. Bones opens his mouth and then shuts it. 

"Cat was mean," he says. 

"Your mom's blue ribbon winning doll collection?" Jim asks. Bones sighs. 

"Yeah ok that one was on me," he says. 

"First grade class bully?" Jim says. "They had to call the fire department to get him unstuck from his desk? Twice!"

"I was bein' a hero," Bones says. "He was hurtin' other kids."

"How the hell did you get your hands on industrial grade welding glue in the middle of the day at a grade school anyway?" Jim asks. 

"Maintenance closet shoulda had a better lock," Bones mutters. 

"But twice Bones? Really?" Jim says. 

"Hey, if they weren't gonna learn their lesson I sure as hell wasn't gonna learn mine," Bones says. 

"I love you so much," Jim laughs. 

"Yeah I know. And you know that I love you too," Bones says. 

"Yeah," Jim says. "I absolutely do."

**Author's Note:**

> I hadn't dabbled in this trope before and wanted to give it a shot. 
> 
> Plus if I were Bones I'd exploit time travel just to go back in time and give James T Kirk a hug as a kid so I thought I'd let him do just that. 
> 
> Also Bones being super patient and awesome with kids is my weakness. 
> 
> Also Jim and Mama McCoy talk all the time and swap all kinds of stories. They just do.


End file.
